“My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn’t moved a muscle. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.”

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch.”

my dad’s favorite joke

my dad’s favorite joke

Okay, posting funny shit to cheer me up now~
(803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
(239): My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
(610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don’t know if I’m unhappy because I’m not free, or if I’m not free because I’m unhappy. À bout de souffle (via brokenmachine)
1 hour ago reblogged from brokenmachine

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